fools.

Tomorrow is the first of April.

I want to do something amazing tomorrow.

Friday.

April Fool's Day.

Six month-a-versary.

Today, however, is Thursday.

March thirty-first.

Today I went to all my of classes.

I was the picture of perfection.

In American Government, I had a good time.

I suppose I might of psyched myself out.

Tyler makes me feel better about being in there.
I miss my iPod and hope wherever it is, it's having a good time.

The last time I saw it was the day I went to Devin's old house to make valentine's day pillows for our loved ones.

ughhh having music at school/on the road was the best thing everrrr...

hey it's kim i wonder if she'll

okay yes she just waved that's

fantastic okay are we still friends?

what went through her mind when she saw me? okay she's getting closer time to make conversation

Hey, Kim.

Hey.

New jeans?

Yeah, haha.

Yeah, they...looked new.

Haha, yeah.

Good seeing you.

Yeah, you too, haha.

fuck.

drowning.

My life is shit.

And yeah,

it really is that bad!

Right now, I'm home alone for the third day in a row.

I'm failing school embarrassingly.

Telling me to "make it better"

isn't going to do shit,

telling me to "go to school" isnt going to fucking,

okay, OBVIOUSLY YEAH.

Remembering what I have that's SO GREAT ISNT GOING TO MAKE IT BETTER

BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING AND EVERYTHING IS SHIT!

I wanna go back in time and kill myself at age 2

i've told you.

I love sleep.

Holy shit.

J

Okay honestly no, it's more than the letter J.

But I can't explain it.

I wanna see you, and want to talk to you, and want to be happy and I AM happy,

I just

don't know what to do with it

and I'm just kind of waiting and this thing tastes awful

and I'm bored and I have nothing to talk about

Im awful company and even worse conversation

Gghgagytaeg nothing's necessarily wrong I just

got the idea into my head that you had hurt yourself and

I was sad and disappointed and then you said you didn't and I was

still upset and

eW0 74WURY8T7WREFDP

nothing.

coos bay?

Coos Bay was okay.

Was sick the entire time HAHAHAH!

I hate it there, so much.

All it did was remind me of stupid shit and that's never fun.

Tyler tomorrow.

Then..school.

FUFUFUKCKCKKK

fun.

....hold on, I need to shower.

Much better.

Yesterday, I woke up.

Went to the store.

Met Justin's cousin, Tyler.

Got caffeine and candy.

Picked up Brandon.

Goodwill.

Open Mic.

Shari's.

sleep.

you're done.

You don't accept me,

you don't love me,

you're controlling, judgmental and shallow.

I don't want anything to do with you.

I'm sorry I'm not good enough.

And I'm also sorry, because I'm not going to change anytime soon.

Not for you, not for anyone.

So do me a favour and get out of my life.

No, this isn't about Tyler.

In fact, it's someone who's supposed to be a bit more supportive and loving.

Screw you.

sacred silence.

I love the conversations you have with people and you walk away feeling absolutely ELECTRIC!

For example, Tyler and I talked about our 'problems', which in retrospect, weren't that bad.

We just ended up even happier.

I didn't know that was..

possible.

Gah. Zach went back to hating/blocking me, so I guess that's for the best..

Spring break is officially TODAY!

Do I have plans?

No.

Not at all.

It's okay.

;)

chop suey!

Ohhhh god if I could stop listening to System of a Down, I wouldn't.

Today was pretty good

Thats it.

essentials.

Spring Break

[ ] Attempt a Sleepover

[ ] Leave Salem

[ ] See Jaron

[ ] See Tyler

[ ] Amusement park/carnival

[x] Make more cupcakes

[x] Sleep in.

[ ] Bigger boobs

[ ] New bathing suit

[ ] Get my tan on

[x] Stop eating orange tic tacs

let me introduce myself.

I hate you!

Hahahahahahahayou've COMPLETELY ruined me!
Thank you! ☺

unfortunate emotion.

I don't know what I would do about him.

I could deal with being just friends.

I would even be okay with us not being on talking terms!

As long as he was...

well.

Alive.

meeting.

Hi. Scott Thatcher.

Lillian White. Now, I'm guessing you've heard that Kay-tee has been suspended..

fuck yeah! lillian got new lollipops! omnomnom

Yeah, she told me we had to have a meeting so. Here I am.

Uh-huh. Well, Kay-tee...let me pull up her grades..

blub blub blub blub this scarf is itchy

..some of the lowest..one of the lowest credit count as a sophomore...

Okay, but, can she make them up?

okay I think we're all aware of my problems

At this point there's still time. We're in the 2nd six weeks of 3...

You mentioned some alternative options, what else could she be doing..

lick, lick, lick. The early-college high school thing seemed interesting. lick, lick, lick.

Could you get to Chemeketa?

All my friends go there. I wouldn't have a problem carpooling in the morning.

I'll give them a call, they usually don't let someone so late in the term..

lick, lick. There's a new term starting, isn't there though?

After Spring Break, yes, and...

carpooling would be so fun, i could go with cat, or ben, even...!

..yes, I'll give them a call...

I really should get to class now.

Ooh, looks like....You're in in-school for the rest of the day.

god damn, it's an a-day

'kay. -pockets an orange lollipop-

I'm not doing anything today, it's Thursday.

Wait!

I'm going to make cupcakes with Ben and Cat! Plans are among us!!

Told Tyler I'm undoubtedly infatuated with his everything in a meaty text message.

Now I'm waiting to go to Winco.

I love that place.

I love System of a Down.

Also, up there is the daily picture for the 17th of March.

♥♥♥

end of winter.

There's nothing I love more than Spring!

That's a lie, but! I do enjoy the fact that we're on vacation in four days.

I don't think I was supposed to be at school today.

My parent or guardian still needs to meet with the principal.

HAHAHHOOHHOAHHA as if my dad would get off his ass.

Spring break, spring break, SPRING BREAK!!!

I AM SO EXCITED!

The portland trip was AWESOME

Today was AWESOME!!!!

dishonest.

..One of those feelings. Like you've lied to so many people,

ignored so many parts of yourself,

that eventually those lies become truths.

You keep them out of your life, out of sight, out of mind,

but then it's your reality.
What the hell am I supposed to be doing?

hurt.

I really hate this feeling.

Luckily there are still things to be happy about.

:)

jump start.

Tomorrow!
Get motivated seminar with Mary, Justin, Devin, Cat, Ash.

Should be pretty fun.

Until then I want to sleep.

Sleep is amazing.

Sleep is amazing

Sleep is amazin

Sleep is amazi

Sleep is amaz

Sleep is ama

Sleep is am

Sleep is a

Sleep is

Sleep i

Sleep

Slee

Sle

Sl

S

sevenfold.

How are you, Katherine?

You can call me Kay-tee.

I'm Brian. I was just going to ask you a few basic questions-

we've met before i've been here twice

Okay, that's fine.

So, you say you've lived here for about 3 years?

salem sucks i hate it here i want to go home

Yeah, Salem's a nice place. More crowded than I'm used to.

-laughter- Yeah, you learn to love it. I'm from New York, myself..

i'm from alabama i lived there for about four years not much to say

I've been Oregon all my life.

It says here -messes with clipboard papers- you were born in Alabama, how long were you there?

Oh. I don't remember.

Huh. So, I'm not going to beat around the bush..

what does that even mean i fucking hate your lack of eye contact

..your mom said she saw some stuff on your blog..

this couch is horrible and i hate it

..saying you wanted to kill yourself? So if you don't mind..

shut up shut up shut up shut up

..I can see there on your legs you have some cuts..

i think i'll just be honest, he doesn't care, he doesn't know me

Yeah, I cut myself.

Were you trying to kill yourself?

not this time I wasn't but there are others behind my knees you can't see

No.

But do you understand how this could worry someone?

yes there are fucking 80 cuts and scars on my arms and legs alone

Yeah. I don't think I need to be here though.

I'm just going to call your mom in here, is that fine?

no why would that be necessary?

Yeah, sure.

Alright. I'll be right back.

fucking a, i could just walk out right now, i don't need to be here, i want to go home

~~~

Does that say..Kay Tee on your arm?

Looks like it, doesn't it?

stop being a smart ass kt you're trying to get help you need help is all

That appears to be a..star?

I never said I was an artist. -expressionless laugh-

i want to go home i want to go home

.

crap.

Weekend Plans

[x] See Tyler

[ ] Do some homework

[x] Get at least 6 hours of sleep

[ ] Clean the house

[ ] Do laundry

[x] Stop eating orange tic tacs (Tyler ate them for me.)

numero uno.

Suspension is so boring...

I can't bring myself to eat any more tic-tacs..

Finished watching Dexter..all seasons...

I don't want to sleep anymore...

Waiting for 2:30pm...

Then, I don't know.

I'm not in any sort of mood. I can't smile when thinking about happy stuff and I just kind of shrug off the sad stuff.

Don't know.

Don't know

Don't kno

Don't kn

Don't k

Don't

Don'

Don

Do

D

search and seizure.

I was sitting in Lillian White's office. Lillian White doesn't like me. She stopped asking me if I go by Katherine. She even stopped asking me why I was there.

I was surprised to be there, honestly. I've never been there so early in the day! Robin got me during 1st period. Usually she takes me to the detention room. Only this time she took me the attendance office! Even Robin was confused. We walked and I stared at the ground. I was nervous Tyler would see me, worried he would be disappointed in my rebellion problems.

My backpack was making sounds from the Tic Tacs I had in the side pocket.
"Do you have Tic Tacs or something in there?" Robin gave me this weirded out look so I just nodded.

I asked if she wanted any, gave her three and she thanked me! We turned the corner and made it to the office.

That's when I was sitting in Lillian White's room.

I helped myself to a grape tootsie pop. I ate it loudly and obnoxiously as she asked me the usual questions. Why wasn't I in class, who was with me, what are my grades like.

Had to get a slushie, no one, shitty.

Then she asked why I was at school today. I was confused. She assured me she loved it when I was here, but this time there was no reason to be. I was suspended yesterday and no one told me.

I went to my locker, saw Tyler on the way out. He was late. We hugged and I apologized and he was all "ehh" about it so that's neato :S

Was going to walk but Mary ended up getting me from Sprague, which was for the best since it was cold...

Anyway so Tyler's really upset with me because I broke a promise and that's shitty.

I'm shitty.

I'm done with this whole...thing.

something in the water.

Honestly.

The fuck is wrong with us?

Let's be happy, all of us!

One, two, three go!

It can't be hard.

I mean, I did it countless times, the sad to happy thing.

In all actuality, I can't talk to anyone.

ANYONE. No one wants to know me, no one needs to.

This blog is read daily.

People read my journal.

There is absolutely no room to have secrets!

It doesn't bother me, really, I mean..what can you do?
I'm a very honest person. If you ask me a question, I answer it. If you have to know I could tell you the shampoo I use, past relationships, and preferred sexual position.

...Well. Okay maybe not but you get me.

So, I went out to get Olive Garden with Mary and when I came back, a bunch of people were at my house. That was cool and all but all I really wanted to do is hug a pillow and fall asleep...

They left within 5 minutes and now I'm...

so.....

tired.........

~~~

goodbyeworld

realization.

My name is Katherine Marie Thatcher. People call me Kay-tee. I am sixteen years young and was born on February 20th, 1995.

I have tons of cousins but only one sister, Ashlyn. She is wonderful and we've been through it all together. I have both a mom and dad, mom remarried to Kielly Mackenzie, who has two kids of his own (Lindsay and Bailey). These people are pretty awesome. I don't see them very much and that's cool too.

My dad is...ehhwhatever. Has a girlfriend, Mary. She's pretty great.

I have maybe a handful of people who actually make an effort to talk to me and make my high school life better. Dana Garin, Betino Baez, Chris Warila, Dylan McDonald, Rachael Griffith. I don't have many girl friends. I've had one true best friend in my life, Kimberly Barton, but she's ...not anymore.

Then I have my post-grads and alt-post-grads. The post grads consist of all my friends I didn't know really before they left high school. Cat Frink, Ben Nanke, Thomas Funk, Mackenzie Layne, Eric LaTour. They are all so special to me and are there when I need them the most! Which is..a lot.

The alt-post-grads are the group of people I rarely see these days. Galen, Ashten, Justin, James, Kyle, and I include Brandon even though he's still a senior. We used to play poker together, and stay up way into the night talking about everything. Now..well. We don't.

That leaves Tyler James. He is the most amazing person I've gotten the pleasure to know. I don't exactly know what it is about him, but I think about him all the time. He makes my days so enjoyable.

People are just...

fucking awesome!

reunited?

I have some sort of odd happiness.

In between waves of nausea I am ...truly euphoric!

There's nothing to complain about!

Happy relationship, 5 months of it!
:D