last year was better.

bb.

best thing.

fucked.

I've felt better before. But there's nothing I can do.

web of lies.

oh, when did life get so ridicky?

pandemonium.

gnggngd, ffeerr. gggrrrpp, nehhhff.
online schools okay.

boyfriend?

why are you so cute? :)

no tyler.

fuck okay.

extended play.

i took out my extensions, i.
i dunno.
i liked them.
tyler might visit this weekend.
house sitting probably.
i dont know.

telegraph days.

his words are quiet like stains are.
on a table cloth washed in a river.
stains are trying to cover for each other
or at least blend in with the pattern.

my glue in extensions look really good, and i'm not going to lie, i'm proud of myself for finally being able to achieve what i wanted after two years. i cut them myself and dyed them and glued them myself and then layered them myself so they look natural
and i'm just in a good mood, and feel really really really pretty.

reading test.

siiiiiiiiiiiiigh easy

harassment!

:)

love is fucking weird.

this is what i miss.

• waking up in my own bed, any time i want, surrounded by my pillows and blankets and artwork
  
• seeing tyler any day we had a ride and got to cuddle, kiss, hug, and enjoy every moment of our high school love together
• cat picking me up for dexter nights
• la perla dinner with ben and erik
  
• van rides and talking about life with eric
  
• waking up and my sister being one room away
• sneaking out at the middle of the night to hang out with betino and chris and draw until the sun came up
• phone calls with tyler that didn't focus around my shitty situation
  
• not being in a shitty situation
• my furniture, mini-fridge, bulletin board, and whiteboard.
• football games with tyler
• school with tyler
• having fun with tyler
• texting tyler
• dating tyler
• tyler

cars.

splits.

g
g

g

NOOoooooooooooooooaggggggggggggh

there's nothing going on...

im at my moms.

phone broke.

tyler dumped me.

blahblahblahblahBLAH

sister's shirt.

i miss my sister.

time to feed the homeless.

goodbye to you, too.

cobbler.

marionberry cobbler milkshake.
GOOD GOD
♥

steps to achieve happiness.

1. dye hair red
2. wait shit don't actually dye hair red because mackenzie is going to dye her hair red
3. fuck
4. okay so probably do something else.
5. leave hair alone
6. urfg

recurrence.

don't even bother with me.
let's stop, please.
let me remain unhappy and angsty and you can continue to be you.
happy and normal.

silver smile.

I BOUGHT A NEW JOURNAL

on the phone.

tyler is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.
♥

causing problems.

i want everyone (tyler) to know straight up that none of these blog posts mean anything.
4/5 of the time they're song lyrics.
in this case, it was lights out by MSI.
mm. i might be going to a concert tonight.
bb offered to pay for me but i hate THAT

tripping.

err'day im hustlin

you are missed.

oh god do i wish you had service

then you could call me

please

please

please

please

pealsdwadf9aehyit is so dull here

roflolmao.

not actually that funny.

today is the 25th of july.

stupid, stupid, july.

tyler's camping with his friends.

i'm by myself.

i seriously crave conversation with someone.

anyone.

alas.

it's only marijuana!

i think we should take a break, in this case.

i got to see tyler yesterday.

it was really, really, really great.

nothing else i can say.

leather couch.

I'm so tired of being away from the people I love.
Or, person I love and people I like.

Or, person I love, persons I like, and people I tolerate.

OR! Person I love, people I tolerate.

There we go.

I have 50 drawings to do by the end of summer.

I miss Tyler's phone calls every night.

I'm glad he's been having a good summer, it's unfortunate I can't be sharing it with him.

I want so badly to be talking and snuggling until the sun comes up.

My mom even noticed I was looking a bit sad..

I bought a friendship bracelet making kit, and it takes SO long to make one that looks good!

I'll stick to appreciating them from afar.

I'm going home tomorrow, but I'm looking forward to spending time with my mom before I go back to Vancouver.

See, I said HOME again. Where is that, even?

Things are different, and I'm adjusting well enough. Seeing Ashlyn was nice.

I want to visit Tyler, I want him to visit me, I want his company.

I want to chat and nap and kiss and hug and feel happy and loved and EEEEEkKK

hurry up, people, buy the house.

BUY IT.

dew.

i keep saying "i want to go home"
but i don't have a home to go to.
unfortunately so.

i want to see tyler, bad.

every day is the same.

wake up.

crunch berries.

get glass of water.

bring upstairs.

watch tv/facebook.

talk to tyler if he's online.

otherwise, log off.

draw.

go with mary's mom to get her coffee/donuts.

tumblr, facebook.

draw.

lunch, if any.

facebook, tumblr.

tyler might call me.

possible nap.

draw.

facebook, tumblr.

talk to someone.

get sad.

blog.

dinner, if im hungry.

watch tv.

tyler might call me.

nothing.

sleep.

you blog more when youre upset.

there is nothing i can do,

you are gone.
and i can hold you in my hand,
but you slipped away like a fistful of sand

airborne.

hurrah.

am i in salem yet?

nope

sixty fourth street.

It wasn't too hard to get used to things here.

I wake up, eat, and do an assortment of dull, random activities until bed time.

But, there have been some good parts! I got a pedicure with Mary and the massage chairs were super wonderful. I went to the book store and got books.

Tyler called me today, I feel wonderful.

can't wait to go back to salem.

some guy photographed the house today.

uuuuHHHGHH

YOU'RE shitty.

sorry. i mean it when i say it, though.

this is shitty.

so i'm in vancouver.

we moved from salem.

i'll be back.

but my summer was fucking ruined.

that's fine.

who needs friends or a sister?

not me!

hahah!

YOU'RE SUCH A SELFISH DOUCHEBAG

thanks for ignoring me

pretty much happy.

eeeeeee!

pretty much sad.

:(
i was so excited to see him

and now i caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant ugh thanks for telling me though

drug test.

OHHH,

good.

I love my friends.

To hell and back.

I love my boyfriend.

To fffff mars and back.

I love..everyone.

Always.

Everywhere.

You're amazing.

♥

skype.

skype skype skype.

what are you.

squeeze.

I can't say I've been doing anything meaningful with my life lately. I saw my mom, went to the carnival with Tyler, and that's it so far.

No complaints because it's been really fun. Still have two months to go :)

My room should be cleaned.

Tyler's coming over and hopefully bringing his old sidekick charger.

I left mine in washington. Such a novice mistake! Who does that!?

eleventh.

I have no idea what's happening today and I can't wait.

naptime.

Sorry..

I just got frustrated.

My life got cruddy again, and I blamed you.

It made sense in my mind...but...

Sorry.

Let me live out my shitty life, alone.

Please.

adjusting.

Sigh.

amped.

Tyler,

I love spending my days with you.

I love texting you.

I love eating ice cream with you.

I love bunches of things about you,

but most of all I love everything about you.

Sorry.

:)

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
-Bob Marley

wow.

I'm so butthurt.

My dad wouldn't take me to school.

I didn't want to walk.

It's slightly cold in my room, so I put on my team sprague sweater...

And curled up in my bed..

Sigh.

Yesterday was absolutely wonderful. I love being in a relationship with Tyler.

♥

profession.

action shot

I cut James, Brandon's, and Justin's hair yesterday.

I got $$$, son.

It was a very good feeling to be both now, a professional artist and hairstylist ;)

I dyed my hair brown, for anyone who cares (me)

YAAY!

Now today I get to see Tyler.

Life is so wonderful ♥

Tomorrow, I'm cutting Cody's hair, and celebrating the final days of this school year.
It went by reallllly fast.

I'm talking outrageously fast.

opportunity.

Curly hair today ♥

Okay so it's an hour and a half after I was supposed to be picked up to go...do shit...

That's fine.

That's perfect.

Wonderful.

STILL CAN'T BRING MY HAPPINESS DOWN!!!!

OHHH, good.

I'd love to say that what you think about me doesn't matter..

But it does.

It really really does.
♥

It's finally Friday, and I hope I get to see Tyler later. :)

basic space.

John introduced me to The XX which is an amazing-mazing band.

Tomorrow is my 8 month with Tyler,

8 months in a wonderful row.

I'm very excited.
"That's a long time, especially in high school years..It's like, cat years.."

-Lillian White

hmhmmhpr. ♥

house.

I missed my shitty house.

tyler james.

Thanks for being you.

I love you. :(

I'm not very happy. I just want to go home and crawl in bed and wait until I get to go to school for in-school suspension.

These days have been some of the worst of my life.

I just can't feel good about myself and I don't know why

I wish you would just listen or pretend to care.

you lost it all.

That awkward moment when your ex-boyfriend sends you a 9429412 page letter.

Sigh.

from beyond.

Really?

You're disappointed?

There is NO REASON FOR THAT.

I've done nothing but try to be the best for you.

Please, appreciate me?

Or..something?

why did you go there?

At my mom's.

Thursday: went out to eat with Tyler and my mom, they met each other and that was a success, I believe. Headed north and went shopping and drank some more caffeine (please stop me)
Friday: Track meet! It rained all day, I went home and took a bubble bath ♥

Saturday: Oh...Today..Okay..I woke up and was really lazy and then we went to go see Kung fu Panda 2!

Then Tyler called me "Katie"

I don't think we're that comfortable with each other.

blame it on my A.D.D.

I make bad choices.

Eating hot cheetos, ow.

Drinking some monster afterwards, OW.

Deciding to chew some gum afterwards, FUCKCUFFNGGOWWWWW

My tongue hates me, I can't even focus it hurts so bad, I'm droolingge gaegvyrwgerre

Okay. The purpose of THIS blog entry is to re-evaluate what the hell's going on in my life right now.

I've just downed my second energy drink and it's the first time I've had a full one since that one night I was trying to stay up really late but had to go to school anyway and it was just a failed mission.

When I have so much caffeine in my system I feel like I can do anything. I like that feeling. Not gonna lie, I'm typing at about one hundred and a fuckton words per minute, I want to draw, I want to shit, I dunno, join choir.

I finally wake up and get to experience the old Kay-tee once more, someone who has faded into the background of the daily fatigue I endure for some reason on a very obnoxious basis

and I am so happy, so so so happy, right now and I'm pretty sure always I am happy. How could it be any different than right now? Right now is real and right now is happy. I could talk and talk and talk for days on end and I don't care. I just need someone to be willing to listen.

Actually no, I have a bunch of people who listen and would enjoy to listen but I just..uhhh..Don't want to inconvenience them with words. A bunch of words. I'm going to go take a speed typing test right now brb, blog

I got 113 but because of my mistakes it's a comfy 109.

I can deal with that.

I don't care!

I took the test about astronauts...

HAHAHAHA

Did you know it was derived from the Greek words meaning "stars" and "sailor"?

That's wonderful, that's truly inspiring.

I'm off~

nothing new.

I can't wait until tomorrow after school.

My mom gets to meet Tyler, and then I'm going up to her house for the 4 day weekend.

I'll be back on Monday, though :)

I'm home alone for now.

Well..

Ashlyn just left.

Last night was easily the most confusing and weird night of my life.

The weirdest part though, is that I'm okay with it.

...

:)

budget cuts.

The seven-class schedule was okay with me.

I can DEAL with that next year.

But...take away Moody?

That's not okay with me.

She was the best art teacher, ever.

I don't even want to bother with another art class.

D:

When she started crying after giving us the news, I started crying too!!

I just...

nmhph.

no.

anything at all.

Maybe I should get used to the fact that I CANNOT PAINT

cheez-it.

Today was great.

I'm so tired.

Tyler's hair looks so good..

I am dating the most adourable person.

Not gonna lie.

du bist fantastisch!

Seriously, seriously, seriously,

why do I care about you so much?

You're wonderful and handsome and make me happy.

You're also intelligent and I want to talk to you until the sun rises.

Can we do that?

Summer plans?

Wonderful.

things I don't remember.

Things I don't remember things I don't remember things I don't remember things I DON'T!!!!

This song's catchy.

Tyler is coming over yet again today, after 4. He called me at 10 and I told him to go back to sleep ☺

So...I guess...yesterday was incredible.

Tyler and I hung out until 7ish! I cut his hair, and it looks great, I'm quite proud of my improved skills.

I can't wait until the day...happens.

I'm going to go buy some caffeine so I can stay awake.

Limeberry and hot tubbing yesterday, and Tyler and Austen showed up.

It was fantastic.

:D

Im too happy for words

Bye~

new post.

Samson - Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread
And went right back to bed
And the history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us
Not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and
Came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me till the morning light
The morning light
And kissed me till the morning light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread
And went right back to bed
Oh we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And the history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us
Not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

I'm pretty excited for today. Tyler's coming over.

Yesterday, Brandon, Justin, and his cousin Tyler and I hung out.

We went to the park, I cut Justin's hair, we went to Winco, my house, blah blah etc. It was all pretty fun.
I went home and called Tyler and fell asleep happy. ♥

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

everyone knows you.

I'm at home sick and pathetic. I've went through about twenty tissues and I've only been awake for fifty minutes. Yesterday was pretty phenomenal. I went to Tyler's house after school, after hanging out with Austen and Adam at Roth's for a while. I watched him eat chicken strips and then we walked home. We watched Black Swan, cuddled, and he even let me trim his hair. I got sick though, after only cutting the bottom half, (it looked great regardless) and had to go home. I took some Advil and made sure not to kiss Tyler too much because I'd get everyone sick and it'd be a cesspool of germs.

I'm not going to bother taking a daily picture, but I'll put one ...here....maybe...if I find...something.

male population.

Gross.

Gross.

GROSS.

Not all females are attractive

JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE BREASTS AND MASTURBATE PUBLICLY

gross

let me love you.

I'm so bored of everything.

You, him, her, everyone.

Especially her.

I'm going to Washington today, for mother's day.

I'm excited to get out of....the house.

Last night, Andrew and I talked about Tyler and homecoming and boobs and it was a pretty good conversation.

Then he mentioned liking me in Science last year, and then again the beginning of this year.

That's cool. I like crushes, I mean.

They're flattering.

But he said he was much happier knowing I was with Tyler, because we're "perfect for each other."

:)

Thanks, Andrew!!!

I agree!

insert title here

I have tried to start this blog so many times, so many fucking times, I can't even...What's on my mind? I'm thinking about Tyler and California and roller coasters and Tyler and Tyler and Tyler and food and soda and grass and Tyler and Mackenzie Layne and jealousy and love and honesty and phone calls and conversations about important stuff and Cat Frink and Dexter

Deodorant
Odorant?

Playing cards

half empty glasses

lost my glasses

movie theater

convenient store

hunger

highlighters

ulcers

eye drops

gum drops

raspberry candies on top of the microwave

the microwave

cell phone

texting Tyler

Tyler

3DS

why do I have a 3DS

laundry

gotta do laundry

chores

dishes

flowers

Tyler's black v neck and leather jacket

warm and tiny huggable people

people who are too tall to hug

how i hugged john early october

then i hugged Tyler

Tylers arms were happier

so much happier

better

lovelier

warmer

tinier.

tall people.

tote bags.

under-the-bed messes

in-the-closet regrets

regrets.

regrets.

you.

even flow.

Nothing new is happening. I wonder what people say at their counseling sessions..

last time I went I talked about happy things.

I don't even think I have problems.

I just cry at the wrong times.

I certainly don't need anyone to talk to.

Anyone ELSE, that is.

I was walking home and spit my gum out and I want to see how long it's gonna there.

I didn't know it was a Pearl Jam type day until I played some Pearl Jam.

I, I, I, I, I.

I'd be a shitty narrator.

Jeeze, uh, my actual debate is tomorrow.

I've been psyching myself out for about a week, it's time to put it to good(?) use.

want to live.

7 month-a-versary.

ECSTATIC

Everything turned out better than I could of imagined.

Plus, I fixed my speakers.

So fucking happy

SO FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!

nothingness.

Okay.
I don't wanna think about this anymore.
I just woke up.

Today was generally a bad time.
I deleted my tumblr and made my blog private.
I just didnt want people to keep reading stuff.

Sigh. Now to wait for you to call me.

gosh, okay.

YAY!
Tyler took it!

Uhm, uhm, we were at
Reza's.

Today will bring nothing but guaranteed happiness.

mmmthursdays. Ive been journaling more. And Tumblr-ing.

And...eating.

fuck letters.

Everything's pretty fantastic..

Not going to lie

day two.

Dear crush,

....

Nope.

day one

dear best friend,

I'm not sure what to say. Don't get me wrong, I have a BUNCH to say, I just..can't.

It might be because of how easily you were able to leave me.

Not a single bit of remorse from forgetting about my existence completely!

I can't blame you though..

But, didn't we have some good times? You can't say they meant nothing!

You can't look at the Adventure Book, and go,

"oh, yeah, that's just a collection of everything that mattered to me less than half a year ago, no big deal."

I'm not necessarily hurt, I just...am pretending nothing happened.

I need you, best friend.

benches and forks.

Nothing, today.

Happy 4/20.

I'm putting music on my phone.

Gah.

I had plans to go to a cycling class with Cat.

I also had plans to go to Open Mic.

Cat was busy, and open mic sounds awful...

GAASPPP MAYBE ILL SEE TYLER
OR SEE HIM TOMORROW

OR THIS WEEKEND

OR SOMETHING FUN!!!!!!!!
Im gonna do this:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite Internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind — good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to , but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

hold me.

Today could of been so much better.

I'm in bed already.

It's 5:59pm.

I'm just...

not in the MOOD for anything!

I wish this stuffed dog was ...

warm.

far.

Brian Adams once asked me,

"What do you think some good qualities about yourself are?"
"I'm creative, caring, and I know when to stop talking."
"Well, you're definitely the first to say that one."

royal.

I feel positively ecstatic.

Apart from the inevitable glee that spawns from Tyler's visits, I feel...

not tired at all. ENERGETIC WOULD BE THE WORD!!!

So far, I've taken a shower and now I'm waiting,

waiting,

waiting

until I can see Tyler.

Tyler.

Tyler.

It could be all the candy that's making me so HAPPY but I doubt it!!!
Doubt

dowt

daught

dought

dout

Silent B, what a stupid invention.

lively bunch.

...

Yesterday was pretty good.

I stayed home until Cat came and got me!

I went out to dinner at Applebee's with her family, her cousin was having a birthday party.

We ate and went to get Ben, who joined us in going to Walmart to buy...lady stuff.

Then we headed to my house and talked about pregnancy and birth defects and the like.

Then I fell asleep.

♥