dad: you're a worthless fuck. stop lying about me to mom. no. i'm not a lesbian. so fuck you. go ahead and marry your girlfriend. she'll soon sit down and realize what a pathetic fucker you are. stop pretending to care when you talk to mom and me. you don't. go sit on your ass some more. i can tell mary loves taking care of you. god damn, you're like a 3 year old. grow the fuck up and get a job.
mom: yes, i hate it at your house. no, i'm not resentful of the divorce, and yes you DID fucking leave me. maybe you meant to leave dad, but i just happened to be living there, too. whatever. stop being such a paranoid idiot and stop pretending to care. it all sounds disgustingly fake. you aren't any better than dad, this isn't a fucking contest, and i'm sick of being a puppet to your guys' divorce. i'm not property. and, honestly, i don't want to spend time with either of you. stop reading my blogs, too. where you sleep at night isn't my house, and it's not even yours. please stop trying to 'make me feel at home.' i sleep on a fucking pull-out guest bed in a living room with nowhere to put my shit.
ashlyn: you two-faced bitch. go live with eric. stop talking shit about me. your life isn't perfect, you know that, but you still act so much better than anyone. i don't appreciate you telling mom to get me to live with her. i get that you don't like me, that i don't fit into your life the way you want to, but just get over it. sorry i thought you would actually be there for me, like you always said. but no. you're too involved with your other family who will never be yours. you're stuck with these fucks i got, too. you aren't you anymore. i don't know when i last saw you. you're always with eric, acting fake, and it's still there when you're occasionally home. sorry i'm too messy for you. sorry i don't fucking jog with you. sorry you have to deal with katie fucking thatcher. stop telling mom and dad lies about me to make you seem like the good daughter. please, get over yourself. i love you, but you obviously couldnt give a shit.
i'm not suicidal. so shut the fuck up. but you guys don't give me that many reasons not to be. if you care so much, you'd leave me alone. i don't like fucking counseling, fuck you, brian adams. you don't know me, nor do you want to.
kielly and mary, sorry you have to put up with my parents. you both deserve way better. you are two seriously amazing people. i'm sorry my parents don't have jobs and you feel like you have to buy everything and take care of them. but you've both impacted me in really good ways. thanks.
i want to live by myself in peace. i'm sick of being lied to. ughghgharh.
today, though, was okay.
made dinner, tomorrow im going to oaks park.
zach talked to me.
and just like that, without question, everything fell back into place.
he makes me happy.
and i don't even care about what happened anymore.
i need sleep.
