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Monday, August 30, 2010

recovery, part one.

i think i'm definitely getting better. summer started awful, was okay, back to awful, now it's okay again.
kim's still gone.
hung out with ashten galen james kyle justin brandon and some chelsea chick
she was pretty.
me and ashten went to winco
he let me drive in the cart and i felt like, 4 years old
so we got potato wedges and tea and brought it back and fed people it
then i got sick and went home.
so now i'm here.
tah~dah
good day, i guess.
looked at houses.
idk.
bored, bored, bored.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

north california.

i forgot to tell everyone what happened during mine and kim's vacation.
hahaha.
it was amazing, amazing, amazing. it went better than i could of ever imagined.
i didn't think it was possible, but we ended up better friends in the end.
we drove for a long time until we got to loon lake :D
we felt pretty car sick because there was like, 80 loops and turns.
we stayed there for two days, and we showered like 4 times and then blew dry and straightened our hair because we don't know the meaning of camping.
we went to the river a couple times, got our tan on, and actually went in the water. it was cold so we went back to tan. at night, we came back, found a glow stick gang, walked to the beach, and people left all their tents and shit on the side of the river. it was tempting with all the jet skis, but we left empty handed.
Silvia and Jaron showed up the next day, we went swimming with them and some lady gave us a paddleboat and we all boated. Haha.
HAH! i fell off a tree when we were climbing it and then landed on my ankle and then rolled over a fern until i finally stopped on some dirt in a clearing. she wouldn't stop laughing and neither could i which hurt because i bruised my rib cage.
i limped back to our place, made some dinner, talked for a while, couldn't sleep, made smores, then slept.
in the morning we ate some eggs mary made, then got ready to go.
we got back on the road around we stopped for mcdonalds happy meals in the "Ice Kingdom" as Kim called the area between reedsport-bandon. I laughed. We went to langlois and got some hot dogs. only too bad i hate hot dogs so i got a monster. we kept going until we reached fred meyers in gold beach. kim was napping until she heard some hot guys walk by. hah! they went inside to go get groceries, me and her agreed we had enough, went inside and went pee, played on the escalator, then went down the elevator.
we went back on the road and stopped at the dinosaur tour/gift shop place. it was awesome. mary took some pictures of us, and we kept going again.
we eventually got to where we were going, after looking out over the ocean and found some islands. Kim Boob Island, and Chode Rock. it made us laugh. and all the while, i kept an itinerary of everything we did by hour. it was neat.
we got to smith river! unloaded our stuff, explored the camp site, and made some lunch. we went to the restroom and that was fun. the showers really sucked this time, and we only stayed one day. we were pretty sick of tent-ing, but we got over it. woke up. ate some snacks. got back on the road. pretty uneventful.
we drove in like 8 circles. we had no idea what time it was, my phone had died, our ipods were dead, and we were pretty much screwed. we first went to oregon, went east, then went to california, then went west, then south, then north, got to gold beach, then crescent city, took about 90 loopy turns again, and eventually got to this crappy run down town. it had a farm, and we down this dusty gravel road, saw some horses, fed them carrots, ate them ourselves, and pulled up to "Out and About", the ziplining place.
Me and Kim were pretty pumped. We got there, it smelt like horses and chickens. There were giant treehouses with scary thin bridges connecting them to every other one. We got our equipment and rode on a golfcart to catch up to the others. We did a practice line, then we climbed a ladder up to the bigger one and met Bug-Eyed Bill. This one was easy, but we looked at the next one and didn't know how we were gonna get all the way up the giant tree. Then we saw someone zip by through the forest and trees. We looked at each other like 'oh, fuck.' We made it through the rest, (barely), hung on like super tight, and had pretty much a kickass time. We got lost looking for the last zipline, and when we finally found it, oh god. The tree itself swayed in the wind while we were waiting, and I was for sure thinking I was gonna die. The first drop felt like a roller coaster, and then we flew down the rest of the line, hair flowing and heart pounding. It was amazing. We traveled from there, to Gold Beach, I woke up Kim and we went inside our new hotel room. We got settled, watched a really awful movie we somehow couldn't turn away from, and then fell asleep quickly.

In the morning, we woke up and flipped on the TV. She took the first shower, so I lounged in my two-day-old outfit and watched children's television. It had something to do with the ugly duckling. She got out and as she was getting dressed, I hopped in the shower. After that, we wee told to walk the dog so we did down to the ocean, which we could see from our room. She got away, but it was fine. We carved our names and Heath into the wooden structures people have built in the sand. We went back, dropped off the dog, and headed to get some breakfast. There wasn't much left, but we each got a boiled egg, some sort of pastry, orange juice, and dry cereal. Some guy came in and you could tell he was REALLY disappointed at the lack of breakfast left.

After that, we packed up and headed for the Jet Boats.
It was fun. We moseyed around the lobby until it was our turn. We loaded on the boats, and sat b behind these Swedish/german/dutch/russian people. We boated up, saw some bears, stopped for a break, and it was so hot. Me and Kim were seriously considering jumping in. On the way back we went to this buffet diner on the river. We got like, eighteen plates. (well, one, but still)
We got back, went back in the car, and sadly drove home to Salem.

When we stopped at a rest stop, it smelled like rain and we could hear thunder. We got back in the car and eventually got to Liberty Road. It was exciting to be home again. We went home, unpacked, took Kim home, and it was kinda weird saying goodbye. I was used to being with her for the past week, she definitely grew on me. We said our farewells, went back to normal life.

...only to hang out for the whole next week anyway. :)



two can be as bad as one.

zach's happy.
and honestly, so am I.
:)
Today is going to be a good day, and nothing can change that.
I'm really excited for school.
I need to buy my supplies, but nothing's wrong with procrastination.
I'm on cloud 8, so please don't knock me down :D

Friday, August 27, 2010

no talent.

i went to the open mic today with ashlyn, to see mitch.
it was amazing, honestly.
so many good people doing amazing things.
it was hard not to get enveloped in everything.
i wish i had some sort of talent, so i could get up there, and just...idk.
rock someone's world!
after i ate a chef salad and waited until mitch was done, we went outside, me and ashlyn
we met some cool people.
they didn't worry about stuff like fighting, money, or how they were getting home that night
it was neat.
i wanna be awesome.
instead, i'm sitting here, pretending i know my shit!
ahhh. i wish kim was there. she would of liked the black guy who went off to smoke some bud and came back and just smelt...familiar. too bad she's in like, seattle.
she doesn't have her phone. i feel quite...lonely.
three days to go.
for now, i'm gonna draw and cry and sleep and wish i was somewhere else,
where depression doesn't exist, everyone is equal, and dreams come true.
<3
i cut justin's hair and beard today.
he looked just lovely. because, duh.
i did it.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

i wish i was your dream girl.

i'm sitting in my newly "remodeled" "bedroom" (office with a blanket covering the entry as a "door")
I put some posters up, and brought some of my stuff over.
It looks kinda like ...mine, now.
I can't help but be a jealous spiteful person. Well, not really spiteful.
Regretful.
My mother, lindsay and I did makeovers today.
I watched degrassi, and i'm gonna buy the sims 3 legally.
:O
I painted for a little bit.
Finished the rest, so now it's completely doneee!
I'm thirsty, bored, lonely, and overall decent.
I don't think things could get any more uneventful.
Coos Bay tomorrow. Then...the worlddddd!


...but probably not.
also fuck kim from scott pilgrim vs the world! IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY RAAAWWR

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

i'm sorry, again.

truly.
i don't know why i turn into such a bitch.
i'm happy if you're happy if you're ignoring me.
<3

FUCK!

SDFGD7TG3GF0BI9HUWSADFTRJ G4FV=-OFLHYCXV 8-0I[OMGRYHBV0YADFBGNDEXRDCXdsxdvhdf tyuhjubplhkjew!!!!!
WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN UNNECESSARY ASSHOLE TO ME!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

two peas in a pod.

today was a good day.
well, sort of.
i spent the night at kims last night
we watched ghost ship, and were gonna sneak out, but we slept instead..
which i kinda regret haha.
but we woke up at 8
and sat around until 9
then went downstairs until like 10
then we walked to great wall buffet
i only ate crab puffs....
.....oh well
so i paid for kim and robert
then we went back, and kim and robert got yelled at and i was sent home
so then i got my hair done later
and like
then got a blizzard with mary
now im sitting here, stalking zach on facebook because idk
im a creep like that
fucking crystal bishop and her attractive ways

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

dear "family".

fuck off.

dad: you're a worthless fuck. stop lying about me to mom. no. i'm not a lesbian. so fuck you. go ahead and marry your girlfriend. she'll soon sit down and realize what a pathetic fucker you are. stop pretending to care when you talk to mom and me. you don't. go sit on your ass some more. i can tell mary loves taking care of you. god damn, you're like a 3 year old. grow the fuck up and get a job.

mom: yes, i hate it at your house. no, i'm not resentful of the divorce, and yes you DID fucking leave me. maybe you meant to leave dad, but i just happened to be living there, too. whatever. stop being such a paranoid idiot and stop pretending to care. it all sounds disgustingly fake. you aren't any better than dad, this isn't a fucking contest, and i'm sick of being a puppet to your guys' divorce. i'm not property. and, honestly, i don't want to spend time with either of you. stop reading my blogs, too. where you sleep at night isn't my house, and it's not even yours. please stop trying to 'make me feel at home.' i sleep on a fucking pull-out guest bed in a living room with nowhere to put my shit.

ashlyn: you two-faced bitch. go live with eric. stop talking shit about me. your life isn't perfect, you know that, but you still act so much better than anyone. i don't appreciate you telling mom to get me to live with her. i get that you don't like me, that i don't fit into your life the way you want to, but just get over it. sorry i thought you would actually be there for me, like you always said. but no. you're too involved with your other family who will never be yours. you're stuck with these fucks i got, too. you aren't you anymore. i don't know when i last saw you. you're always with eric, acting fake, and it's still there when you're occasionally home. sorry i'm too messy for you. sorry i don't fucking jog with you. sorry you have to deal with katie fucking thatcher. stop telling mom and dad lies about me to make you seem like the good daughter. please, get over yourself. i love you, but you obviously couldnt give a shit.

i'm not suicidal. so shut the fuck up. but you guys don't give me that many reasons not to be. if you care so much, you'd leave me alone. i don't like fucking counseling, fuck you, brian adams. you don't know me, nor do you want to.

kielly and mary, sorry you have to put up with my parents. you both deserve way better. you are two seriously amazing people. i'm sorry my parents don't have jobs and you feel like you have to buy everything and take care of them. but you've both impacted me in really good ways. thanks.

i want to live by myself in peace. i'm sick of being lied to. ughghgharh.
today, though, was okay.
made dinner, tomorrow im going to oaks park.
zach talked to me.
and just like that, without question, everything fell back into place.
he makes me happy.
and i don't even care about what happened anymore.
i need sleep.


Monday, August 16, 2010

one is the loneliest number.

I think I'm retarded and obsessed.
I can't accept the fact that he hates me, always has, always will.
Today was okay.
Got a school girl uniform! I'm not sure why, but it seemed like a good thing to have in my closet...
Also, got pants! :D And..socks and shit.
I'm at my mother's house. I kind of want to be home right now, but then it'd mean I'd be really hot and ugrrggg no thanks.
I have about 45 dollars left. And, I'm going to be painting tomorrow...so I'll get more for random shit I probably don't need.
I ate some pasta for dinner that I made.
It was eh.
Michael and Casey are still in town, and of COURSE I'd be at my mom's during this time.
I wish I could of hung out with them + Zach...
...but he would of hated that.
ffff
I'm so bad at life-ing. Oh well.
It'll get better overtime, and if not, blah. Fuck it. I think I'll call Kim now.
ttyl

Sunday, August 15, 2010

bipolar.

john's party was good.
i met someone and his name is tyler james.
his hair is incredible and he knew everything about my art.
he made me happy when no one else would.
but the rest of the party was awful.
then today, me and kim went to the river! :D
it consisted of music, mexicans, flipflops, freezing water and rapids, and uhhm.
i dunno. we told secrets on the way home, and most of em sucked. i must admit.
then, i got home, and right after eric and ashlyn picked me up to go to troy's party.
but...i didn't see troy.
we went straight to the movies. like, 20 people. justinemiashtenjameskylejennabrandonkyleraykristiecolemichaelmackcatkay-tee and probably some other people. oops.
then, we went home
and this time i went with james/kyle/ashten
and we dropped off james, and then kyle,
and ashten let me drive. which was really super. :D
then he bought me a mcflurry and we ate it and then went home.
sadly, however, zachary wouldn't get off my mind for a single moment during any of this.
and the cycle starts over.


Friday, August 13, 2010

meteor shower.

it was pretty.
but zach's still angry at me.
i met someone today.
i hugged john.
but i met someone else.
he was very not john.
i kind of didnt want to leave but
it happens.
partypartyparty.
blaugh.
gragrg.
there's always another day
another pill!
:D
<3
goodnight

Thursday, August 12, 2010

blog.

I actually really like doing this everyday. I don't think Tommy has nearly as much blog entries as I do, but at least he made one with me in the first place.
I'm doing like eighteen things right now.
formspringbloggerflockdrawfacebookopencanvas.
Fuck!
Yesterday, I went to Eric's. In the beginning of our endeavor, I met Johnathan, eric's bro. He's cool. I like his voice. Haha. I have one of his sweaters. I didn't tell him that. Cat, Tommy, and Mack showed up.
It was good even number of couples.
Normally, I'm the 3rd, 5th, and even 7th wheel.
It's pretty sad. Anyway, they left after I drew everyone [crappily], and we all ate some pie. [well..I did.] I caught some really tiny frogs, took pictures, and went home.

Today, was worse.
My neck didn't get better. I took some Vicodin. That was fun for a little. Haha!
But, it didn't help at all. Not one tiny bit. John's party is tomorrow, and I REALLY hope I feel better.
I've been texting Kim all day, as usual. Chatted with Collyn.
Meteor shower is going on, and I think I'll go watch it. :)
peeeeeeace

taking sides.

Well, today was just dandy.
HAH!
No.
I think Zach's pissed at me again. Which always makes my day just a little more regrettable.
Hung out with Justin. Just got back.
I'm tired.
Had an awful day.
Goodnight, world.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

ladies love us.

If I were a fruit, what would I be?
I'd be a spiked melon, because I'm gross on the outside, and gross on the inside.
Today I woke up..and my neck feels like absolute garbage. I'm pretty sure it's gonna pop off. I can't say I've been in worse pain before. At least, not for this long.
Tommy came over and tried to help. But, sadly, crappy onDemand movies and TV screensavers couldn't do it.
My life is getting better by the second.
Last night, though, was ....odd.
But whatever! I lost the gummy bear that I was going to give Steve :/ I think Ashlyn took it. Urff.
Anyways, I feel pretty crappy, and nothing has happened lately. I think I want to go on a midnight walk tonight.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

glee.

a big thank you to zachary for letting my mom know about my blog, and social life, and mistakes i've made in the past :D
so...HI MOM.
anyway. today was good-tastic.
i'm sitting at my mom's house. i'm leaving tomorrow, though, which is cool. i enjoyed my stay, though. i slept in a little camp trailer the first two nights, and that was pretty awesome. :D but, i got a little lonely and scared so i slept inside the next two nights. tonight, though, i dunno. maybe i'll sleep on the roof.
(probably not.)
hmm, I'm not sure when penny and lizzie's tea party is..but it's gonna be awesome <3>
john's party is friday
urggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
oh well. i'll get over it.
i bought my hair extensions today. they're quite long. they make me very happy. :D
i also bought some clothes today! for the past 4 days i've been painting to make money
it's pretty fun, actually.
well. im gonna go sleep.
ttyl :0