light at the end of the tunnel.

good day?

i'm thinking maybe.

school was absolutely the worst,

after school i don't even remember what i did. oh.

i went home, changed clothes, hung out with ashlyn cat eric kyle jeff mackenzie nate and tommy, and his 3 four day old kittens

they're like, the size of a mouse..

i was going to go to the game...

but..why?

it's not even varsity...i need to buy gum and i totally forgot...

now i'm texting tyler and kimberly and life is okay, I guess.

need to print an assignment and life will be just perfect.

mountain dew slushie....good stuff?!

turned off.

are you like, on a quest to make my days worse than they already have to be?

):

dark blue.

i'm all ready freddy to go to school.

it's about 20 minutes before i go out to the bus.

I forgot to blog and all that stuff so Ill let you know what happened!

sunday night, I went out to see a movie with Cat and Mac

but first we stopped at Tommy's and watched music videos.

Then, at 7:00 we went to go see "easy A" on Lancaster

and apparently John larson was there too so we sat behind him + his posse and didn't throw popcorn at all. After the movie was over, and it was really good the second time, we went to McDonalds and bought 50 chicken nuggets HAHAHA and then met up to watch Machete at stadium 11 theater with Joshua Couchman, Enrique Rodriguez, and Devin Fleenor. We ate them and Mac said something awful regarding semen and dipping sauce so I didn't eat more than like, 2. hHHAHAH

uhm. then after that, we went home. And it was an amazing day. Because I got home at like, 12 and only got about 4 hours of sleep. Oh wellsies. <3

..whoa I forgot to post this. Anyway, school was good, after school I went to Judson with chris betino and zach

he got pissed off at me because I said im sick of arguing but he thought i said im sick of him...?

Blarg. Chicken nuggets are dreadful, today is dreadful, I need a shower.

bye worldd

exclamation point.

I feel hyper today.

And it's probably all of the medication I've been taking for my nasty cold.

I get all my sicknesses over the span of one month.

Which sucks. Because then Im like, wahh I dont wanna go to schooool

But I DO because I'm a trooper.

anyway.

went dress shopping today.

i got the most perfect one.

talked to zach.

UMMM....

Went..grocery shopping..

OH! I DROVE AN ATV AND I HAD A KICKASS TIME!

theres not much to talk about and Im too hyper to sit down and write a big long thing so Im done now.

OKay love you bye!

autumn.

I spent two hours and re-sewed the clips on my extensions, so now I can actually wear them.

The color is a bit off still, (too red D:) but it's fine for now.

But they make me happy.

I was listening to the radio and Love the Way You Lie by Eminem/Rihanna came on three times in that time span. And that one song about dynamite and lighting it up came on about four times.

Ughh, mainstream music sucks. It was very annoying, at John's party, all these preppy girls squealed and changed the radio station or plugged in their iPods and played bullshit, which caused John to yell: Who the hell put on this black person music?!

It was awful, and bad, and bleh. That party couldn't of went any worse. Even Tyler said it was sad how I was just sitting there, makeup all done and hair all pretty and all alone. I don't even remember why I was invited. You'd think I'd be over it by now, I mean jesus, it was like..in July.

But no. It was a bad night. At least Tyler made an attempt to talk to me.

I have a counselor appointment today, and it's not Brian Adams, it's some douchebag named Rick. I hate that name, first of all. Anyway, my mom's going to be getting me at 4:00pm. I haven't seen her since the beginning of September, I think.

No one has really noticed my blue hair yet, which it kind of weird, because it's in my bangs, and bangs means IN MY FACE AND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT when you talk to me...Or..not.

I have no idea.

I'm still sick, and that's a bummer. Cat's sick, and Tommy's sick. That means we probably won't be having our Saturday plans. (plus going to my mom's. double bummer.)

I like having hair touch the small of my back every now and then to remind me how AWESOME I AM! Listening to Regina Spektor and wishing I was somewhere tropical and 80 degrees, with Kim, and we could get our tan on. I miss Kim, a lot. We haven't hung out for the longest time.

She's moved on past me, I believe. I don't know if she ever thought of me as her best friend. But all those notes and all the nice things she's done for me kind of proves otherwise. Oh well. Tianna has started talking to me again, and I'm trying to tell myself she's just like Kim! She could be be my best friend. But then I remember, she greets me by hitting my boobs, slapping me, stealing my things and calling me a faggot. Nevermind. Kim's a much better choice of friend, haha. I don't even know why I considered that.

Anyway, my classes are pretty easy for the most part. Except for Economics, I only got 5/7 assignments turned in so far because I'm retarded and can't really get my mind around it..yet. It's fine, I still have a B+, so that's no problem. In my other classes, I'm succeeding!

Good start in school, on civil grounds with Zachary, new friends, familiar friends, and it's getting cold enough to wear my hoodies&boots :D

Nothing can get me down, yknow?

itchy.

my body decided to vomit twice this morning.

so i took a shower and went back to bed until 1pm.

probably the biggest waste of a day i have ever experienced.

redyed my hair blue,

sat around and talked to people (i got my phone back) until the house season 7 premiere came on.

blarg. now i have no idea what to do.

i think i'll try to go to sleep again.

truthfully.

I really am sorry.

encore.

My hair is..short.

I had a moment and decided to cut it..

But anyway;

It's friday tomorrow, that's always a good thing.

Nothing else good going on.

Blurrrgh.

help me.

i think i need to go to counseling now.

please.

unbelievable.

worst and best day ever.

was ignored, talked about, and made fun of like all day

got harassed, interrogated and all that good stuff for "stealing cream cheese" at winco

b...b..but me and chris figured it's free since they were in little packets by the bagels..

and now the FUCK does one eat a bagel without cream cheese?

anyway i was in this little room for like an hour

they took my photograph

etc etc,

and it turned out i "robbed" the store of 30 cents

so i paid it and left and chris laughed for a long while and now i hate the world.

went to kims after all that, everyone was feeling sorry for me and i felt pathetic.

we went to the game, i found my people, miranda made me a friendship bracelet, me and dana got drinks, and i found john larson. he gave me his starbucks vanilla thing and it tasted like..John larson. i also noticed Tyler james was there, and he's just..adorable. very interesting individual. after we talked i went back to kim and bri and we went to go taco bell it up.

we drove and drove and drove and drove and drove until we got to like mexico

and we went to this gazebo thing on the lake and looked at the stars.

it was cool i guess.

then we drove more, got blizzards, listened to some awesome music, went back to kims and we slept.

i woke up and went home and yay.

now everything is pissing me off.

question mark.

The second day of school was bleh.

I hate B days.

It goes;

Wellness II, English, Math Lab, then Economy.

At least I have economy with Chris. <3

It was a long, dreadful day, and I got a ride from school with Devon, then hung out with Zach for like an hour. We did homework and then I left, went home, and went directly to bed.
Ahh. School. I don't know why, but something about it makes lack of sleep, irregular meals, stress, and drama so great. I'm going to switch out of Creative Writing because that's not really my thing. Hopefully I'll get into Culinary Arts with Brandon, first period. That'd be awesome! I wish they still had Mini Arena, but I guess I can see how people would abuse that. But why do I care?

I'm going to go to sleep here pretty soon. I haven't eaten much in about 3 days, and I get nauseous looking at food. No good. I probably wake up too early in the morning. My phone doesn't keep going off when I ignore it, it just stops after a couple rings. So I wake up then, or go into settings then switch my alarm to a different time, but by then I'm already awake.

Then I stumble into the shower, and I have an immediate headache from lack of sleep and food and it's bright and blah. After that, I feel cold and ugly and just even more sleepy. So I get dressed, do my hair and makeup, and then leave at around 6:35 for the bus. It's SO crowded this year, and also, this batch of freshmen are...really loud, inappropriate, and short. REALLY short. I'm really blessed to have been adopted by all the Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors. Without them, I'd...be friendless. <3>

if i stand too close, i might fall in.

I had a GOOD day :D
Me and Justin went driving, picked up James and Brandon, then headed to Goodwill, fucked around, then Winco, got snacks, and ate them in the park. We decided to go home, so we dropped off those two, went to Kyle's, but we forgot he wasn't there...

SO WE WENT DOWN THE STREET TO TOMMY'S!

Tommy was singing on rockband, cat and mack were cuddling in the corner with laptops, and lucas was on guitar. Some other dude was bass-ing.

So we sat around, I played bass eventually, then Justin left....

...So we ate some din din, which was chicken, salmon, spaghetti, corn on the cob, and some sort of raw vegetables.

i chose chicken and vegetables!

so we ate while tommy belted out a couple more verses, then watched good luck charlie.

then, mack and cat gave me a ride home and that was cool.

now im at home and going to bed <3>

happy, happy, happy!

let's go for a drive.

justin got his license today.

i....i......AHHHHrrg i'm smart and am going to be in the car with him... HAH!

If I die, I'm sorry, everyone, and I love you.

first day went by amazing, everyone got REAL sexy REAL fast.

im excited for my B days.

no sunlight anymore.

school time in like, two minutes.

looking forward to it.

(;

the clock's run out.

apparently justin's gonna be reading this one. HI, Justin!

This was only supposed to be a summer journal type thing, to help keep track of all my events.

But I left out a lot of details, sometimes even full days, and it turned more into something to whine on, and it actually helped most of the time. Unless certain people read it and used it against me, but that's whatever.

I think this summer was the best, ever. It had it's awful moments, (Zachary fights #54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, and 61, never being able to see kim again), it's amazing moments, (late night hot tub parties, photoshoots, carnivals, and ziplining), and the beautiful things we all seem to overlook, such as staying up with your best friends talking about just how lucky we are, making welcome-back cupcakes for the people who matter most, and waking up way too early then falling back asleep because, well, fuck it.

I can't help but want to continue to do this dumb blog thing. It's definitely something fun to do at the end of the day. So, yeah.

This is the official last day of summer for all of us, and some people are out doing amazing things to remember it by, but for for most of everyone..Yeah, fuck it again.

I played in the rain today. I just kinda sat in my driveway and let the water drench me. Then I ran inside and took a very nice shower :D Now my kitty is sitting on my lap. She says heyy.

I think she's gonna die soon. She's like, seven...HAH!

Anyway, that's about it. I'm super excited for tomorrroooow ooohhh god

monday afternoon.

today was fun.

me and justin and brandon photographed.

and now i'm sad again!

so, HAHAHA! awesome!

grey high-tops.

hung out with justin today.

called kim, she said it was important.

it was!

we talked about bullshit, and my mom gave my dad a butchered version of what happened, he had to be a real ass and go to kim's house, bitch to her aunt, like she really gives a fuck what he has to say. like anyone does.

casey's gonna spend the night again.

he better not wake me up at like, 5.

i'm kinda curious where he stayed before this.

idk. im wearing my grey high tops, skinny jeans, and some sort of sweater.

today was boring, why did i think you cared?

cyclepath.

we're running right back, here we go again, it's so insane, 'cause when its going good, it's going great.

I put a picture up there, because I thought it looked cool, because the book of mormon. We're shampooing the carpets today. It looks a lot better than they ever have before! It's exciting. I put a bra on finally. I've been awake since 5. Then fell back to sleep until 7, then again at like 10. Casey needed somewhere to stay, so as his Legal Guardian, I allowed him the futon. He left his key and phone charger, so he'll probably get it. I'm busy being a manipulative asshole. HAHA! Oh, this is gonna be a good, good, year.

<3

recovery, part two.

I hung out with people.

Clothes shopped. Got some cool schtuff and I still have some money left. I'll get my supplies tomorrow. Or..later today, I guess. It's almost 1am.

Eric and Ashlyn and I went out downtown and on Lancaster.

We ate Love Love Teriyaki and stuff and it was fun :D
Then we went to the open mic, ashlyn did her shit,

me and Mackenzie bonded I do believe! :D I hope we'll be good friends someday. He's fun.

I'm sitting here, after my long day of shopping, McFlurrys, blasting Europop, going to Taco bell to wait for Cat to be done doin stuff...anddd...like..

yeah.

Nap time for me.

Good day, everything's getting better. Talking to kim. I'll probably call her tomorrow. Wishing I had a phone. In the meantime, fuck it! :D

what i've done.

yeah, i'm being a douche and making my blog titles names of songs because who cares?

i hung out with zach today, to the dismay of everyone.

somehow, i still enjoy him and his presence 100% :D

mack and eric got me&ash today, we drove to fred meyer and on the way there we saw justin but he didn't reply to our calls because he was busy listening to music.

so we got to fred meyer, ash got her nasal spray and shoe goo

we took some blood pressure tests and me and mack are eligible for prehypertension

i laughed

then we went to macks real quick, found cat

ate some kind of food

went back to eric's to fix macks computer

me and ashlyn made me some lunch and it's name was

Nutella sandwich, served with cheez its, carrots, and raspberries

it was tasty.

we played some zelda and then went outside with the puppy

cat came back over to eric's

her sister was being weird and then cat took me home

then i sat and called kim after a while

then went shoe shopping with zach. i made him get fake converse

they look nice.

i got money from dad to go clothes shopping,

which ill be doing tomorrow with eric and ashlyn.

we decided this when we sat in his car as i told them about my day.

they make me very happy.

they give me hope, too

because i'm pretty sure it's impossible to love each other and put up with each other for so long .

apparently not!

called kim again.

now its night time.

i wish i had my own phone back. ahhh!

at the bottom of everything.

i stayed the night at kim's last night.

i made cupcakes at ashtens house and then brought them over to kim's house,

where i waited for six and a half hours until she got there. pretty lame, yeah.

after many hours of the tyra show, family guy, and assorted documentaries

kim walked through the front door.

we had a pretty awesome time talking about our assorted adventures.

i stayed the night, and everything was fine until i woke up.

i showered, got dressed, made plans to go home, get new clothes, and go to the mall.

so we went outside and waited for ashten to pick me up to take me home.

it was fine, until my mom pulled up instead.

she was being a bitch, glared at kim once i think, and told me to come with her.

so, i did, forgetting that i had my psychiatrist appointment.

that brightened my mood.

i started bitching and eventually convinced my mother to take me home instead.

upon arrival, she lets me know that i'm a thief, and a really bad person for stealing, and also that she turned off my phone.

so i go inside, and i have an idea of how much the following hours are gonna be.

eric is on my couch, ashlyn ran out to say hi to her mother, and then i started crying at the dining room table.

eric came over, hugged me, let me cry on him and kissed me on my forehead and let me know everything was gonna be okay.

liar.

i had no phone, so i texted kim from windows live.

we talked, and things seemed alright.

eric picked me up, and we went downtown after i was told to wear red.

so i did.

we stood there, holding plates for something about ending hunger for those kids who live in poverty and how much they would enjoy a sandwich and how greedy everyone was for eating when some kids get nothing to eat.

so i got hungry, and we went to eric's.

i ate pie, played zelda, he drove me back home.

now i'm here, things got even WORSE.

my mom contacted my dad who contacted aunt susan who contacted kim.

who is now angry at me, probably.

so, thanks mom.

you sure know how to not make me want to be dead right now.

fuck off, okay?